Confidential Confessions
by Chazy Chaz 313
Summary: Whenever someone hears the name "Ryo Bakura", they think of an abused soul... But here are his thoughts on the matters of Bakura...
1. My Koi, Can't You See I Love You?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, believe me, if I did...I would know...And I definitely wouldn't hide it! I also don't own the song "Anywhere" by: Evanescence...Wow, I don't own anything, do I? This is the first time that I'm writing a fic and not naming it after the song it's after... I'm trying a lot of new things lately!  
  
[text] song lyrics  
  
Confidential Confessions  
  
[Ryo P.O.V.]  
  
Oh, Bakura...why? Why do you do this? You degrade me to a point where I wish to die, and my dignity seems to just wither away with each passing day... Did you ever stop to think... that in doing all of this... you could lose me? Do you find pleasure in causing me pain? Apparently not, because after you beat me, you go into your room and attempt to commit suicide...I cannot believe how many times I've walked into your room to find you on the floor, bleeding from your wrists...I cannot believe how many of your hidden messages I've found around the house...notes apologizing to me...You were never good at hiding anything...  
  
Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me, and dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
  
You probably never knew any other way than to just beat up on me... I cannot blame you for that... But why did you have to be so harsh? You could have gone a little easier on me at least... No, now look at me... I'm sounding selfish... But... it's kind of true isn't it? Unless... this isn't really you... Have you changed? Have you finally changed? Has my savior at last arrived?  
  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
  
But it's not just the beatings that cause me to question this life of mine... And no, it's not the swearing either... It's how you treat me sometimes... When we are here alone in the house in the quiet of the dark night... You can add such a passion into my heart... into my soul...  
  
And at sweet night, you are my own, take my hand  
  
It's almost alarming how you can be so violent, yet so gentle at the same time... But you don't know I see your passionate side... Of course, if I told you that I enjoy what you do to me at night...you would most definitely stop... I fake everything...just to make you happy... All the screaming and struggles I put up... they're not real... I do it so you'll enjoy the time we spend, so it makes you believe you are the dominant one...  
  
We're leaving here tonight, there's no need to tell anyone, they'd only hold us down, so by the morning's light, we'll be half way to anywhere, where love is more than just your name  
  
I dream about you at night... I hope you do of me as well... Although, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't... It wouldn't be anything new to me... I mean so little to so many... But when I'm with you... I feel as though I'm the most loved person in the world... I know it's not true... but it's something nice for me to believe in...  
  
I have dreamt of a place for you and I, no one knows who we are there  
  
I know that you don't want anyone to know of the love we share for each other... But hiding this is going to slowly eat me away! I know you care for me, although you try to make me think that you don't, I can see through your tactics... By being the complete opposite of who you really are, you can trick and deceive many people into believing what you want them to believe...  
  
All I want is to give my life only to you, I've dreamt so long, I cannot dream anymore, let's run away, I'll take you there  
  
I'm lost in you... And I can't find myself again... After all that we have been through, it's almost impossible to believe that you want to hurt me... It's as if it pains you so much to harm me, yet you continue to anyway... Where has your heart gone? I know you had one; it just seems to be on hold at the moment... confused in all of life's encounters... Whatever happened to your heart, swallowed by pain as you slowly fell apart...  
  
We're leaving here tonight, there's no need to tell anyone, they'd only hold us down, so by the morning's light, we'll be half way to anywhere, where no one needs a reason  
  
I hope that one day... we can live in peace amongst each other and everyone else... When that day comes, we will be able to walk out the doors of this Ra forsaken house together... and you wouldn't care about what anyone else thinks... We'd finally be able to live happily together... there would be no more beatings... no more put downs... it would be just you and me...  
  
Forget this life, come with me, don't look back you're safe now, unlock your heart, drop your guard, no one's left to stop you  
  
Bakura, the only thing I want is for you to be happy... if your happy future involves me, then so be it... we'll live together and support each other no matter what... we'd always be there for one another... I promise I will for you... can I hope you will for me... Don't let the opinions of others interfere with what is in your heart... Know that I will always be there to help you in any way I can... All you need to do... is open your heart to me... and I promise life will be so much better... You would actually have something to look forward to...  
  
Forget this life, come with me, don't look back you're safe now, unlock your heart, drop your guard, no one's left to stop you now  
  
This is the time I have been waiting for my entire life... for someone like you to come along and brighten up my day... I want to spend the rest of my life with you... Please give me the chance to support you in a way no one ever did for me... In order to repent for the people who forgot about me, I want you to let me love you... I want you to let me care for you... I ask of nothing in return from you... except that you don't hurt me anymore... All of the mental and physical scars that have been left make me feel as though I failed in my job as a hikari to you...  
  
You hold the answer deep within your own mind... Consciously you've forgotten it though... That's the way the human mind works... Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it... We erase it from our memory... but the imprints are always there... We're supposed to try to be real... We feel alone when we're not together... that is real... You're not alone, Bakura... never are you alone... never will you have to be alone... Bakura, please don't hate me... because I'll die if you do... The imprints are always there... nothing is forgotten...  
  
We're leaving here tonight, there's no need to tell anyone, they'd only hold us down, so by the morning's light, we'll be half way to anywhere, where love is more than just your name  
  
Sooo... what did you guys think? Bad, huh? Oh well, I always seem to suck at writing fics like this... 


	2. I Promise

Disclaimer: You all are just gonna keep asking, huh? I DON'T OWN YUGIOH! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS! And I also don't own the song "Understanding" by Evanescence which is used in this particular chapter.  
  
Confidential Confessions  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
I've tried to fool myself... Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself... I know I love you, Ryo... But... I don't want to let myself believe that... All of the times you put up with me... I... I don't understand why you did... or why you continue to... I haven't treated you like a human being... Yet you still continue to be so innocent and believe that you can help me...  
  
The pain that grips you, the fear that binds you, releases life in me  
  
Every time I degrade you whether amongst your friends or here in your own home... I regret every minute of it... I wish I could just go back in time and erase everything I ever said and did to you... Would you be happy then? You would no longer be a broken, abused soul... But, that's not what you want... You don't want anything for yourself... You only wish to help me... But you have, Ryo... You have...  
  
In our mutual shame we hide our eyes, to blind them from the truth that finds a way for who we are  
  
I've sent fear through your veins... You know what it feels like to beg for your life... I've made you experience it once before... perhaps too many times... You have been through life and death experiences... I only did it, to taste your fear... It's what kept me going... Pretty pathetic, huh? That I made you squirm and beg for your life just to see you act that way...  
  
Please don't be afraid, when the darkness fades away, the dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts  
  
You probably think that I enjoy what I do to you... Well, I don't... I've punished myself for doing those horrible things to you... Every mark I've given you, I made sure to give one in turn to myself... The deep gashes on your body... I've made mine deeper... Ra, damn it, why did I use a knife against you? You're so innocent... so fragile... yet I ruined your appearance as a delicate angel... Now you're a tattered, broken angel... wandering earth without a purpose but to try to stay alive...  
  
My love for you still grows, this I do for you, before I try to fight the truth my final time  
  
I never meant to hurt you... I was using you to release my anger... Why did I do it? Damn it, I'm such a baka! Why did I never take your feelings into account? You should have stood up for yourself or something! But every time I beat you or harassed you... you just... just stood there... You took everything I gave to you... Never did you throw anything back at me... You never yelled at me... you never raised your voice above a whisper now that I think about it... and you never hit me... Why? I do it all the time to you! You have a right to return the pain to me! Let me feel your pain! Share it with me! Just stop taking what I give you like it's no big deal, because it is!  
  
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't cry it all away, can't scratch it all away  
  
You've gotten to me... I must be turning soft... because I feel the hot, stinging tears flow down my face... So this is what it feels like to cry? This is what it means to feel sorry? And I made you go through this every day of your life?! Ra, I really am a pathetic excuse for anything! I'm not human; I'm a failure as a friend to you... So what am I? What am I to you besides a bully? Besides someone who physically, verbally, and sexually abuses you... I'm nothing... And you're fine with that? You'd put up with it for the rest of your life? Why? That's the only thing I want to know from you... Why...  
  
Lying beside you, listening to you breathe, the light that flows inside of you, burns inside of me  
  
Is it because you love me? Is that it? Can you love me? After all that I've done, it can't be possible... But... you're my guardian angel... my savior... You're my light and I'm your dark... You're my heaven and I'm your hell... We're the complete opposite of each other... But they do say... that opposites attract... But we're not any damn magnet now, are we? No, so that saying means nothing... It's just something made up by hopeless romantics...  
  
Hold and speak to me, of love without a sound, tell me you will live through this, and I will die for you  
  
Ryo, all I want to is to give you my love... But I'm afraid... I'm afraid of what you'll think of me... of what people will think of me... So I've kept it hidden... perhaps I've kept it secret for too long... Should I just run out and tell the world that I love you? That you're the only one for me and that I hope I am for you as well? I yearn to tell you so badly... but there's this one thought in the back of my mind preventing me from doing that... What if you say no?  
  
Cast me not away, say you'll be with me, for I know I cannot bear it all alone  
  
Would you do that to me? Once you see me confess my love to you? Once you see me pour out my soul to you? I do not think you are capable of such torture... But still it stays in my mind... haunting me... like your face haunts my dreams... No longer can I get through a night without waking up in a cold sweat breathing hard and fast... I cannot get you off my mind... You're all I think about... I guess you can call it obsession... Yes, that's it... I'm obsessed with you, Ryo...  
  
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away it just won't fade away  
  
You're the one thing that is always on my mind... The only thing I think about... I don't dream to posses the greatest power in the world anymore... I dream to posses you... The burning desire for you grows fiercely within me... I cannot control it... and pretty soon I will not be able to hide it either... What should I do? Should I take my chances and tell you the truth?  
  
Can't wash it all away, can't wish it all away, can't throw it all away, can't scratch it all away  
  
Why is it always so easy to say things to someone in your mind but never directly to the person? I've practiced so many times of what I want to say to you... But every time I go to tell you... I end up beating you and leaving you for dead... Why? Does Ra not want me to tell you? No, I shouldn't be blaming this on Ra. The only one I have left to blame is myself... I've given someone else the blame all my life... Now, it's time I start to repent for my actions...  
  
Can't fight it all away, can't hope it all away, can't scream it all away, move it all away move it all away  
  
I know it's probably too late to start, but I might as well now then never... I vow to never hurt you again, Ryo... If I cannot hold myself true to this one promise... this one thing that you deserve most of all... then I don't deserve to live... May Ra take my life the day I return to my old self... If he won't... then I will... Hold me to these promises to my dear Ryo, Ra... Please... don't let me put him through any more pain... He's been through enough and deserves much better than me... Protect him...  
  
God, please don't hate me, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do, because I'll die if you do  
  
Ok, this is chapter 2! The Yami's P.O.V.! Whee! Hope you liked it! 


	3. Ra, Forgive Me I Have Sinned

Disclaimer: I don't own this life, I don't own this computer, and I don't own Yugioh!  
  
Confidential Confessions  
  
[Ryo P.O.V.]  
  
It seems almost impossible to hold on anymore... After everything that's happened, all I can think about is leaving... What if Bakura really doesn't love me? What if it's all a mistake? After all, I am just a hopeless hikari in search of a friend... I know I can't come to him for love or friendship, but I yearn to... I want so badly to tell him, but the fear of what he'll do to me if I tell him prevents me from doing so... Maybe I should just leave... It would give me a hell of a lot better life if I did, wouldn't it?  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
What is wrong with me? Why have I done it all of these years? He was only an innocent child in search of someone to love him because his damned family wouldn't! And I had to be so damn hard on him! Always calling him weak, always beating him and putting him down in ways unimaginable...  
  
Can you forgive me again, I don't know what I said, but I didn't mean to hurt you  
  
Ra, what a baka I am! I'm just a soulless, cold, bully! He deserves so much better, yet I haven't given it to him! I'm surprised he hasn't resorted to what I do after I abuse him... You would think that he would have tried something by now... but, no... I guess he's stronger than what I've given him credit for...  
  
I heard the words come out, I felt that I would die, it hurts so much to hurt you  
  
I've broken his soul, his dignity, and his life... It's inhuman to ask for his forgiveness now... But what choice do I have than to ask him? My only options are to beg for forgiveness from him, or just leave him so he won't have to suffer my abuse any longer. I know that if I just promise not to hurt him anymore I'll eventually break it... And I cannot guarantee Ra's protection for him either... Wow, Bakura, you're in a deep mess this time... What do you plan to do to get out now?  
  
Then you look at me, you're not shouting anymore, you're silently broken  
  
[Ryo P.O.V.]  
  
Has all my life really been a lie? Have I really just been hoping to reach things out of my grasp? Why can't things ever turn out the way you want them to? The only ting I ever wanted was a friend, I've asked for nothing more in return... When Bakura first appeared, I thought my wish had been granted... I thought that for the first time in my life, someone would love me for who I am... But I guess not, I guess I really have been blinded by the truth with my dreams... So has it all been for nothing, Bakura? Have I dreamt about you and I living happily for no reason at all? I've just been hopeless and worthless to you, haven't I? Haven't I...  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
I wonder if he knows that I can listen to what he's saying through our mental link... Probably not... otherwise he wouldn't be saying all of that... Now what should I do? At first he seemed to love me, but now he's regretting it is what it looks like to me... Should I tell him? He could just think that I'm making it up to trick him or that I'm making fun of him... I shouldn't be thinking these things... If he is saying how he truly feels, I should as well... If only I knew how to come about telling him...  
  
I'd give anything now, to kill those words for you, each time I say something I regret, I cry, I don't want to lose you, but somehow I know that you will never leave me  
  
I carry in my heart my feelings of regret... I never meant to do those things to him... I just want to be with him... Only the two of us, sharing a life of happiness and love... Why are things never this easy to say to the one you love?! If I could then we'd have admitted out feelings to each other long ago! Ra, damn it! Why am I so self conscious? Why am I so self centered and inconsiderate?! Why didn't you protect him from me...? That's it! I don't care anymore! I'm telling him!  
  
[Ryo P.O.V.]  
  
I've kept it in my room... in case I would need to use it... I never have... So the shining silver blade is stainless from my blood still... That will end today... No longer will I be able to look at my reflection in that blade... covered in blood it will be... covered in blood... Goodbye, Bakura... I did not leave because of you... I left because I could never help you... it's my fault entirely that you're like this... and I'm sorry... In order for you to have a better life, you need to get rid of the only problem in your life... me... I'll miss you, and I know you won't miss me, but that's how you are... I cannot change that...  
  
Reaching into a black velvet covered box, I lift the key to my salvation... the key to my freedom... the key to his happiness... I know running it across won't work, because I don't know if I'll be cutting the right place, I need a guaranteed death... so there's only one thing to do... I pick up the blade and ram it hard into my wrist... He won't be able to pull that out if he decides he wants to use the blade himself now... It is through my wrist... One side to the other... But if he does manage to pull it out, while he is, it will cut through my veins on the way up... There is my guaranteed death... I feel my breathing grow shallow and my body lose its balance... My body now falls limp as the floor from underneath me comes up to greet me...  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
That's strange... I just got this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach... and my wrist is tingling... It's probably nothing... I walk out of my room and make my way over to Ryo's... Now this is really strange... I can't feel him here anymore... Perhaps he's not inside... perhaps he's left... gone out for a walk or something... No harm in checking to see, is there? Wait, wouldn't this be invading his privacy? It would be wise to knock first...  
  
There's no answer in my return to my knocking, so I knock again... still nothing... The door is unlocked so I turn the knob and protrude my head in slightly through the small crack I make... What I saw on the floor shocked me... There were clothes everywhere... Ryo usually puts them away so neatly in his drawers... Hey, the bathroom light is on... and the door is open as well...  
  
I push the door completely open and walk inside Ryo's room... As I make my way over to the bathroom, I begin to pick up the clothes lying on the floor, fold them and place them neatly on the bed... That was... odd... I never fold up my own clothes, let alone Ryo's... Ok, ignore it... Now... I wonder where Ryo-  
  
The site of the bathroom left me in shock... The white tiles were now red... Ryo's once white hair was now dyed a crimson dark red of his own blood... I caught glimpse of a knife jammed into his wrist and I almost vomited... I began backing away from his body until I tripped over my own feet walking backwards, fell, and hit my head hard on the corner of his metal bed...  
  
"R-Ryo..."  
  
I can't believe that he... Again, I caught glimpse of the knife in his wrist like that and I couldn't take my eyes off of it... I succeeded in letting out my feelings with involuntarily gagging over and over again... Oh, Ra... What have I done to him? What have I done...?  
  
Cause you were made for me, somehow I'll make you see, how happy you make me, I can't live this life, without you by my side, I need you to survive  
  
Sitting here on the floor, staring at his lifeless eyes... I realize that I drove him to do this... I drove him to insanity... and I drove him to his early grave... Suicide, Ryo? Was that the way to go? Suicide?! Tears ran down my face as I began crawling towards his body... I wonder if I should try to take the blade out... No, that will sever his veins... Damn it, he knew I would try that! So now I can't use the blade on myself and I can't take it out to try to save him either... Ryo, you really messed up this time... You really messed up...  
  
So stay with me, you look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside, that I'm sorry  
  
I cannot bear to look at your open, distant eyes... So I reach over and close them... You didn't deserve to die this way... No, you didn't... If anyone did, it was me... I deserved to die in such a horrible way such as this... There is no honor in suicide, Ryo... It isn't the answer... Only worthless, pathetic, failures such as me deserve something like this... Now it really is too late to say I'm sorry... It really is too late to say I love you... All hope is lost... And so is my love... my only love...  
  
And you forgive me again, you're my one true friend, and I never meant to hurt you  
  
I know that Ryo and Bakura fans are going to come hunt me down and kill me for this... But I can never seem to write a happy ending... I hope some of you all enjoyed this anyways... I'll try harder next time to make something better... 


	4. Can There Be Light Without Darkness?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or anything!  
  
/ [text] / = mental link between characters  
  
Confidential Confessions  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
After the ambulance came I stumbled into the back to sit by your body. The people there seemed nice enough except for the fact that they were all staring at me... Worthless mortals, what do they think they are going to accomplish by staring at me? I'll never understand humans... Damn it when are we going to get there? What do they need to tell me that I already don't know anyways? "Ryo is dead" Yes, thank you I already know!  
  
"What are you all staring at me for?!" I found myself screaming at them. Oh yes, I feel so much better now, screaming at pathetic mortals is going to make all the pain go away!  
  
Well, it worked; they were no longer staring at me but at my hikari's lifeless body... D-damn... Why did I drive you to do it?! I was going to tell you I love you... If only you had held on a little longer! Just five minutes more may have been enough to save you!  
  
"Excuse me, sir? Are you all right?" one of the baka mortals had asked me.  
  
I hadn't realized it but tears were pouring down my face... Much like that blood was pouring down your wrist... The blade was still lodged into your arm; they didn't want to remove it when they had first come... Probably afraid of the same thing as I was; that it would sever your veins...  
  
"Y-yeah... I'm fine..." what a horrible lie, she can't have possibly believed that!  
  
"You're sure?" she asked me with a look of worry spreading across her face.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure... thank you..." was all I could bring myself to express. I wiped away a few tears from my cheeks to find that my once warm face was now cold with wet tears... They did not seem to want to stop because as I wiped away more tears, a whole new stream replaced the one I pushed away...  
  
We arrived at the hospital a little after 12:00 a.m. I almost fell out of the back of the ambulance upon disembarking it. They brought out your body right after I had gotten safely on the ground and started up towards the double doors of the hospital. I followed slowly, dragging my feet... My mind wanted to go but my body did not seem to want to.  
  
After a few minutes I was finally inside the hospital and I walked uneasily up to the front desk.  
  
"E-excuse me... The people that came in here before, do you know which way they went?"  
  
She looked up from her paperwork and answered me in an extremely cold voice for a receptionist.  
  
"Down the hall and to the right! If you were with them in the ambulance, why didn't you follow inside?!"  
  
She looked back down and returned to her paperwork. Ok, mental note to self; send worthless bitches like that to the Realm of Eternal Darkness.  
  
I trudged down the hallway to where Ryo supposedly was located. I turned the corner and looked inside the first room that came into my site. I did a double take because who I saw in there was beyond my comprehension... Inside a small room, lying under the pure white sheets was young Yugi Mutou. What's he doing here? Better yet, why is he in one of the hospital beds?  
  
/Hey, Pharaoh! What happened to your hikari? /  
  
/What? Oh, hey, Bakura... /  
  
/Well, are you going to tell me? / I grew interest as to why young Yugi was in there so I approached the room without hesitating.  
  
/Do I really need to tell you? /  
  
He seemed to upset; perfect!  
  
/Yes, you need to tell me! /  
  
He let out a heavy sigh and spoke close to tears...  
  
/Yugi... attempted to commit suicide... / I felt my heart give a sharp jolt sending intense pain through my entire body.  
  
/O-oh... I... I'm sorry... /  
  
The Pharaoh's tears seemed to have escaped from the eyes they were being held back into.  
  
/S-so... Why are y-you here? /  
  
Great, my turn to tell now!  
  
/It concerns Ryo... /  
  
/Did something happen to him? / The Pharaoh looked up at me with red eyes.  
  
/He... he's dead... / I was ready for what came next...  
  
/What?! How?! When?! /  
  
/I don't know... a few hours ago... /  
  
/And how?! / His expression changed altogether... His once red, soft eyes were now wide and filled with panic...  
  
/Suicide... / It hurts so much to say that word...  
  
No more words needed to be uttered from either of us... We both knew that Ryo went and killed himself because of me... I decided to break the silence...  
  
/So, why did Yugi have reason to go and attempt to kill himself? /  
  
The Pharaoh must have been unprepared for my question because he stuttered and hesitated as he spoke...  
  
/I-I'm not exactly sure... I just... just found him like that... laying in his room... the white carpet now a crimson thick red... Oh, Bakura! I know it's my fault! I know I made him do it somehow! /  
  
He was such a nervous wreck now... He used to look so confident, as though nothing could break him down... Now here he is, crying his heart out...  
  
/No, Atemu... It wasn't your fault... / It was the first time I ever said his name...  
  
He looked up at me and behind those usually confident eyes... behind those dark purple eyes ... I saw a person... a normal person... We sat there staring at each other for a good ten minutes before turning away again...  
  
/I-I'm going to go i-into Ryo's room n-now... / I stumbled to my feet and walked clumsily out of the door leaving the Pharaoh and Yugi alone...  
  
With a few more turns I had reached Ryo's room and I walked in to see him lying on the bed in the same fashion as Yugi was...  
  
My angel... my black angel... my love... you have been taken away from me... What now?  
  
Ok, there's chappie 4! Wow, I can't believe how well this is coming along! I haven't gotten writer's block once for this thing and the ideas just seem to keep coming to me! Now, I know I'm going to jinx myself with writer's block! (I hope I don't!) Anyways, please review! I appreciate people who remind me that I'm not a failure at everything I do! So special thanks to Rikoh (RyousGirl567), Isis (IsistheEgyptianGoddess), and Rowan Girl for believing in me and helping me to realize that I can write something and like it! 


	5. A New Ray of Hope Shines Through

Disclaimer: What makes you think that I would magically own Yugioh from the last time I updated this story?!  
  
Confidential Confessions  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
After my encounter with Atemu, damn I said his name again, and what happened to young Yugi, I felt so horrible... What could have caused Yugi to do such a thing?! I can understand Ryo, but Yugi?! Atemu cares for him so much, and if I can admit that, Yugi should know it! Why can't I stop saying his name?! Atemu... he's what's been on my mind lately... As he sat nearest his hikari, with tears running from his eyes, I couldn't help but feel pain and grief... well more pain and grief than I was already feeling due to my Ryo...  
  
A quivering sigh escaped from my lips and I sunk down in the chair I was sitting in. My eyes had been on Ryo all night and they still continued to lay on him... I couldn't take my eyes away from such a precious sight... The doctors had managed to remove the glass... I'm glad I wasn't in the room at the time... The way the first doctor began describing it to me was enough to make me vomit, which I did... I couldn't hear anymore after that... I was sick enough as it was and I didn't need to make the feeling more intense...  
  
It's been hours since I came in with you... They've all been telling me that I should get some sleep because sitting up all night with you won't bring you back... Shows how much they know! Don't they believe in miracles?! That people can be resurrected?! Well, I do and I'm not going to sleep or rest, eat or drink, or do anything until you're awake and in my arms! I promise, Ryo... I will wait for you... no matter how long it takes...  
  
[Atemu P.O.V.]  
  
I still sat in shock at the sight of my little hikari... When I first saw Akeifa in the doorway I thought my pain would drop down to an all time low... but he seemed to have... cheered me up a bit... Yugi is still alive, but Ryo is gone... I feel bad for him... The poor guy seemed like he really cared about his light sometimes... Even he does not deserve to experience the loss of someone he loved and probably still loves... I wish I knew what to do to help him in some way... Maybe I can cheer him up the same way he did me... It's worth a try, isn't it? And I'm sure Yugi will be fine the few minutes that I'm gone... So I got up and began walking towards the door when I heard a small noise... almost like an animal crying... I turned around to see Yugi whimpering and crying in his sleep... I walked over to him and caressed his cheek, then turned back around and out the door...  
  
It would help if I new which way I was going... I could barely find my way around the endless corridors... I just kept checking any door that came up... Finally after what felt like hours, I saw him there... He was sitting in a chair across from Ryo, his head titled slightly as he obviously fought to stay awake... I walked inside quietly and he turned his head sharply to see who had just walked in through the door... I was not startled; I expected it from him... As soon as he caught glimpse of my face, he turned his attention towards Ryo again and spoke in a sleepy, hoarse voice, "Hey, Atemu. What are you doing here?"  
  
The question didn't even seem sharp; he spoke in such a soft manner... It was highly unlike him... In fact, I could hardly recognize the figure sitting there all alone... he was so different... his face was no longer filled with hate and anger, but grief and despair... My heart only swelled with pain the more I looked at him... the crumpled heap of a man in his chair, staring at his lost love...  
  
When I had not answered him, he turned his head again... But there was no angry expression on his face, he was not impatient, he merely asked me in that same hoarse voice, "Are you all right, Atemu?"  
  
I stumbled on my words for some reason... "Y-yes, I'm... I'm fine..."  
  
"You're sure? You don't look well... Do you want to sit down?"  
  
He stood up from his chair and motioned me to sit in it... All I could do was stare at him from the doorframe, dumbfounded as my heart continued to swell with intense pain...  
  
When I did not move he walked over to me, took me gently by the arm and led me to the chair... I did not sit down so he forced me into it... I was still in shock by his kindness...  
  
"Y-you don't need to d-do this, Akeifa... You can s-sit if you l-like..."  
  
The next thing that happened surprised me a little, a faint smile spread slowly across his face... and I found one forming across mine... I guess I didn't cheer him up; he sure cheered me up again though...  
  
[Bakura P.O.V.]  
  
Even though he's a Yami, he reminds me so much of my Ryo... He's innocent like a hikari is, he's kind like a hikari is, and he's vulnerable... Just like my Ryo... and just like his Yugi... He's fallen for me or something, because he can't stop staring... he won't stop checking on me... and he stumbles on his words when he's around me... I'm not stupid; I can tell when someone is in love... But the weird thing is I'm not creeped out by it... To tell the truth, I guess I'm... happy about it... Perhaps he could fill the empty hole in my heart where Ryo would have gone... No, Yugi needs him more than I do... I can't keep him to myself... I already ruined the life of another and I caused him to end it as well, I won't do it again...  
  
But that look he's giving me... it's filled with so much pain yet with desire as well... I don't know what to do... I guess I'll just wait... He seems to be in even more despair and shock than I am... So I'll just let him have what he wants until he's over this and goes back to how he used to live his life...  
  
I took my hand and caressed his face; he must have not expected this because he tensed greatly... I only whispered to him softly in the most assuring voice I could put on... "It's all right, Atemu... I won't hurt you..."  
  
His muscles relaxed and we found ourselves inching closer and closer to each other... the seconds were turned into what felt like hours... when we finally reached each other, our lips were locked in a powerful embrace and we shared our first real kiss... His lips were so soft... they felt like velvet rose petals that were gently being rubbed against me... he made me feel like holding on and never wanting to let go... And so we stayed like that for Ra knows how long... both of us enjoying every second of it... and never wanting it to end...  
  
O.O Woah, look! I scared myself! Haha! I never would have guessed that this would go from being a Ryo/Bakura pairing to a Bakura/Atemu pairing! What about you guys? Heh heh... 


	6. I Dont Know What I Want

Disclaimer: I'm still doing the not owning here...

Confidential Confessions

[Atemu P.O.V.]

What happened to this man's cold heart? It seems to have melted away... I don't mind it, he's comforting me and I hope I am comforting him as well... I don't know how long we were locked in that kiss... But it felt like an eternity, and I never wanted to let go... When we finally did pull away it was only to breathe... then he turned away from me to stare at Ryo... I knew deep down we both wanted more... but at the same time we didn't... He had just lost the only one he ever loved and I was in here for Yugi... But still... I want him... so badly... and I don't think I can have him...

[Bakura P.O.V.]

Still he continues to stare at me... I guess he really wasn't expecting that... Either that or he still wants more... But I can't give that to him... It would break Yugi's heart if he lost Atemu... Hm, well, it looks as though I actually care about the welfare of others... That's something that's never happened before... well except for Ryo... but even then I let him down... I'll never forgive myself for that... never... Ra, why won't Atemu stop staring at me?! It's not like I told him I love him! Or that'd I'd marry him! Gods, he's so pathetic sometimes! But still.... Ah! Damn these mixed up emotions of mine! Damn them to hell!!!!

[Atemu P.O.V.]

He seems so confused standing there... Maybe he's the one who should be sitting down... I got up and touched Bakura's arm slightly... He turned around quickly to face me... I must have startled him...

"You can sit down, if you want to..."

"No, thanks. I'm fine. You sit down."

His words were blunt and almost demanding. When I didn't follow his instructions he repeated himself in telling me to sit down again. Again I did not listen...

"Akeifa, it seems as though you need to more than I do..."

"And what is that supposed to mean?

I was speechless... Perhaps... perhaps he's gone back to his old self already...

"N-nothing... forget I said anything..."

I sat down in the chair again staring at him as he turned to face Ryo once more... Wait, why am I sitting here?! I should be with Yugi! I stood up again.

"Going somewhere, Pharaoh?"

Ah, so it's back to calling me Pharaoh now, is it?

"I'm going back to Yugi..."

"No, you're not. Stay with me..."

Something... is wrong here... so terribly wrong... I only stared at him as he turned around and started approaching me...

[Bakura P.O.V.]

He's not leaving now... I'll be alone again... I hate being alone... No, I won't let him leave me! He will stay here with me!

"I know you enjoyed that kiss as much as I did... I know you want more from me... I can see it in your eyes... and they never lie..."

"A-Akeifa... leave me alone..."

His voice was so close to a whisper... I had scared him...

"Don't deny what your heart truly desires... because it will eat away at you for the rest of your life..."

"I-I mean it, Akeifa... L-leave me alone..."

Still he quivered with fear... I have him where I want him... where I need him to be... vulnerable... unprotected... terrified... It's been too long since I've had this feeling... and I'm going to satisfy it...

[Atemu P.O.V.]

I was backing away from him in fear and instinct really... The back of my legs came into contact with the chair, I was cornered... He came up close to me and pushed me into the chair... Then he sat down on top of my lap and started to inch his face closer to mine... I wanted to speak... to scream... but my voice would not come out... I was trapped...

He roughly put his lips onto mine... it was nothing like before... he forced my lips apart and begin searching around my mouth with his tongue... I felt so violated... I didn't want this... Never did I want this... not from him or anyone... and there was nothing I could do about it right now... He had complete control over me... I heard a door slam and I knew he had used the powers of the Sennen Ring to close the door and lock it so no one would come in on us... I had nothing I could do... just sit there and wish it was over... and believe me... wishes like that don't come true very quickly...

[Bakura P.O.V.]

He's so rigid... so tense... I can fix that for him... I pulled my mouth off of his...

"Atemu, stop denying it... I know you want this..."

He said nothing; I knew I was right... I put my mouth on his once again and he closed his eyes tightly... Perfect... I took off my belt while he had his eyes closed so he had no idea what I was up to... Still not breaking the kiss, I wrapped my belt tightly around his hands and put them behind the chair... His eyes shot open... That's it my little bitch... show me that fear!

His eyes filled up with tears... and I could see a glint of hatred and fear in them... Wonderful... he is exactly where I want him... and I know he wants the same... I took my mouth away from his again... I pulled off my shirt and tied it over his eyes... using it to blindfold him... I slipped off his own shirt and started to kiss his chest softly... He moaned softly... I could tell he was enjoying it... He was putting up a fight before... and that had ceased... no longer was he trying to get away from me... We both wanted to be with each other... we both wanted to be in each other... and that I could do for him... Fuck Yugi, he can wait... For now, it's my turn with Atemu...

[Atemu P.O.V.]

I don't understand it... I thought that I would never want this... but it feels... so nice... I can actually enjoy this when I'm with Akeifa... after all; he isn't causing me any pain... I wish he would take off this damn makeshift blindfold though... I want to see what he's doing... Damn him, he's always into surprising others... I can tell... I wish he would hurry up though... I know he's working at something... and it's making me impatient!

I felt him undo my zipper... What is he working at here? Next he undid the button on my jeans... Is this his idea of a joke? Or is he actually going through with this...? Part of me wanted him to go on, and another part of me didn't... I hope the part that wants it wins though... I'm defiantly on that side... He slid off my jeans and I shivered slightly... he ran his hands up and down my thighs causing chills to run through my spine... Gods, it actually feels good... Forgive me if any of this is wrong... forgive me because I want this... please just forgive me... but I don't care anymore... I want it so badly... I want him... I want him in me now... and I pray to you that you won't let him stall any longer...

[Bakura P.O.V.]

Hahaha... the Pharaoh is getting a little impatient now, isn't he? Should I keep him waiting just to prolong this? Why not, it's fun seeing him squirm...

O.O O.O O.O O.O OMFG!!!! HOW THE HELL DID IT GET TO THIS?! Haha, what'd you guys think of it? Should I go on with this like this?


End file.
